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May 19, 2013 / AnnieBellsCan

The worst dream to have ever be dreamt.

the other night i had the most disturbing nightmare. 
It was truly horrible.
I woke up wondering how my mind possibly thought that that was a good dream to be dreaming.
I experienced everything so tremendously real.
My mind each day since had been reeling. I feel physically ill I am so distraught by what I experienced. Not just what happened. but how it felt. the emotions that came with it. the horrific feelings of being out of control and not being able to trust anyone. The feeling of all consuming fear and just pure hurt that I felt. I can’t get over this, I feel as if it actually happened. and I am so torn up.
I don’t know how to deal with these feelings. and it didn’t even really happen to me. It wasn’t real. but it has effected me so heavily that I don’t know how to continue. how did this happen. I do not understand my mind.
I wish I could shut it off. I don’t want to ever have to sleep again.

It wasn’t scary like, wake me up this is a bad thing to be happening. It was just horrible. and it felt so familiar. I think that’s what erks me. How real it felt. How familiar that feeling was. It washed over me and took me away. and I don’t want it to happen again. I live in fear of those feelings now.
but they’re here. haunting me. making me a mess. all for something that didn’t even actually happen.
“Why are you so shaky and jumpy?” My friend asks me.
How am I supposed to say because I had a bad dream the other day and for some reason I can’t escape it. That even though the event happened in my dream, I feel as if I’m living the actual aftermath of it. But there is no one to blame, and nothing to be done about it except hope that soon I can get the images and emotions out of my head!..
“Too much coffee” I reply in an effort to smile.


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