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June 25, 2014 / AnnieBellsCan

i don’t know

There are things that make me uncomfortable. 
I think maybe I’m screwed up. 
I can’t explain why it makes me uncomfortable though, so I can’t ask for consideration to not feel this way. 
I just have to keep it pushed down and not let it bother me. 
But it does bother me. 

At the moment my girlfriend and our housemate are drinking. Girlfriend and I watched a movie then went out for a smoke. 
Housemate was watching a show that girlfriend likes. I am pretty tired so I decided to go to bed anyway. But I felt gross after working all day so I had a shower. Then I went out for another smoke (part of the bed time ritual) and when I came back in they were drinking vodka. Not excessively either. But it makes me uncomfortable and I can’t tell why. 
It’s obviously because of my childhood. My mother was constantly drunk. But they aren’t my mother. And I’m not sure why it’s make my anxiety so bad. Because now my chest is tight and I feel ill. And it’s all because of vodka. And I don’t know why. 
I think it’s because I planned on going to sleep, and I figured they’d watch tv for a while, maybe chat and then go to sleep. but now I don’t know. what if they decide to stay up all night. or go for a walk and don’t tell me. Or what ever. I don’t even know. it just makes me panic. I hate that it does this to me too. 
It’s not fair that my girlfriend can’t drink without making me panic. 
And I try to deal with it as best I can. But she needs to know it makes me uncomfortable. 
I think it’s because alocohol makes people unpredictable and I don’t like that. 

Also I don’t think a normal persons reaction to ‘we’re drinking vodka’ is ‘Why?’ 
Because there doesn’t need to be a reason to drink, some people do it for fun. And I know that. logically I understand. 
I just don’t know why it makes me feel this way. Help. 


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